My Calloused Heart....
The one thing I HATE the most about being a sex worker is this revolving door of people in and out my life. This is the only industry where the possibility of meeting someone great and becoming intimate and never seeing them again is normal. It’s so normal that there’s this common saying that “men pay escorts to go away”.
And this is how the callous begins....
It becomes normal to pass around your favorite clients to other women like good reefer. Not only is it normal, it’s encouraged and routine, and God forbid if you don’t, you’ll get publicly stoned alive. I understand and play this game like a seasoned champion, but this industry has turned me into an emotional Psychopath.
I have practiced and mastered the art of changing emotions rapidly. Going from adoring you on Wednesday, to not giving a fuck about you on Friday, but it’s only meant for those who deserve it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an extremely friendly and caring woman, but if you cross me, I delete your existence without warning and won’t loose an ounce of sleep over it. This Psychopathic behavior is starting to spill over into my real life and I’m starting to erase people that I once thought were fabulous.
But my current disappointment is my fault because I didn’t follow my cardinal rule of NO friendships with Regular Women . I’m uncomfortable around women who are not sex workers because my shit has to be filtered 24/7 and that shit is tiring. And recently I made the mistake of being unfiltered and open with a woman I shouldn’t have, and now she’s avoiding me like the Black plague. Great Job Erika!!
What the FUCK was I thinking????????????????
Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut and my little extracurricular activities to myself? I’m not God and I can’t miraculously make folks agree with what I do no matter how intelligent and well spoken they think I am. Being a prostitute makes all that intelligence null and void in their eyes. And I’m just pissed because this was my dumb ass fault for talking.
But consider this a lesson learned and hopefully my calloused heart and a bottle of wine will numb my disappointment.
Ugh....
And this is how the callous begins....
It becomes normal to pass around your favorite clients to other women like good reefer. Not only is it normal, it’s encouraged and routine, and God forbid if you don’t, you’ll get publicly stoned alive. I understand and play this game like a seasoned champion, but this industry has turned me into an emotional Psychopath.
I have practiced and mastered the art of changing emotions rapidly. Going from adoring you on Wednesday, to not giving a fuck about you on Friday, but it’s only meant for those who deserve it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an extremely friendly and caring woman, but if you cross me, I delete your existence without warning and won’t loose an ounce of sleep over it. This Psychopathic behavior is starting to spill over into my real life and I’m starting to erase people that I once thought were fabulous.
But my current disappointment is my fault because I didn’t follow my cardinal rule of NO friendships with Regular Women . I’m uncomfortable around women who are not sex workers because my shit has to be filtered 24/7 and that shit is tiring. And recently I made the mistake of being unfiltered and open with a woman I shouldn’t have, and now she’s avoiding me like the Black plague. Great Job Erika!!
What the FUCK was I thinking????????????????
Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut and my little extracurricular activities to myself? I’m not God and I can’t miraculously make folks agree with what I do no matter how intelligent and well spoken they think I am. Being a prostitute makes all that intelligence null and void in their eyes. And I’m just pissed because this was my dumb ass fault for talking.
But consider this a lesson learned and hopefully my calloused heart and a bottle of wine will numb my disappointment.
Ugh....
Comments
Post a Comment