You can’t fake a “Square life”…..the Hooker always surfaces.

I’ve been on this “Square life Mission” lately to meet a nice guy and settle down like a normal chick.  Just seems like the proper thing to do since I’m not getting any younger.  The problem with settling down after spending 10 years hustling and selling sex is finding the right guy who’s worth the time. 

Now I have to reprogram my mind into NOT putting every man that I meet into a “Trick” or “Client” category, and that’s hard to do when clients and tricks have been the only stable male companions in my life.  As fucked up as that sounds, this game has been the one thing that I can rely on 100% besides my family.  I may get frustrated with my clients, but they never abandon me. It’s the best relationships in my opinion. When I Bitch and complain they listen and try to make things right. But ultimately in the end, they go home to their wives and lovers and I’m left alone. It’s the “square” companionship that I crave. Like Etta James’s song says; “I want a love that last past Saturday night”.

Although I’m a hooker, I really am normal.  I want the whole picket fence life; a husband, 2 1/2 kids, and a dog. But to get that sort of life means hiding who I REALLY am.  I’m a good woman though; a fabulous human being with a big heart. So if there’s anyone out there who deserves a good man in her life, it’s ME.

But I’ve come to the realization that a good man who’s going to love me forever probably isn’t going to find me on Backpage, TER, and Bigdoggie. I’m not saying that square chicks have it any better because they get cheated on, dogged out, used and abused also, but their chances of finding a good man seems better than mine.  Guys who read my blog may be fascinated with me through my writings, but in the end I’m still the hooker, and most men can’t separate the hooker from “Erika”.  And for my sake the hooker MUST be separated from “Erika”.

But this is where things get complicated because as much as I crave that square life, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a Hooker.  I LOVE the luxuries that hooking has afforded me in the past, I miss the freedom, I miss the men, and I miss my OLD life.  Just talking about escorting gives me so much energy and excitement, and I’ll never 100% abandon it. I may physically stop Escorting like now, but I’ll always blog, talk, and discuss the industry because it’s such a major part of who I am. And I make NO apologies for that!